You have met someone. The conversation flows, the second date was even better than the first, and for the first time in a while you can imagine a future. The first months of a relationship are exciting, and they are also when the foundations are laid. Small habits formed now often decide whether a promising start becomes something lasting.
This stage is also when many promising relationships quietly fade, not because the two people were wrong for each other, but because of misunderstandings, mismatched expectations or simply a lack of attention. Here are ten things that, in our experience, make the difference.
1. Go at a pace that suits you both
Strong feelings can make you want to rush. Enjoy them, but let trust grow at its own speed. A relationship that moves at a comfortable pace for both of you is far more likely to last.
2. Say what you are looking for
It does not have to be a formal conversation, but neither of you should be guessing. If you want a committed relationship, or marriage, it is better to know early whether you are on the same path.
3. Pay attention to actions, not just words
Does this person do what they say they will? Consistency, keeping plans, calling back, showing up, is one of the most reliable signs of someone who is serious.
4. Talk about values early
Faith, family, children, money, where you want to live: these do not need to be settled on the third date, but they should come up naturally in the first months. Differences are fine; surprises much later are harder.
5. Keep your own life
Friends, work, interests and time alone keep you grounded and make you a more interesting partner. A healthy relationship adds to your life rather than replacing it.
Chemistry starts a relationship. Consistency is what makes it last.
6. Learn how the other person shows care
Some people show affection with words, others with time, attention or practical help. Noticing how your partner expresses care, and telling them what makes you feel valued, avoids many misunderstandings.
7. Handle your first disagreement well
Every couple disagrees. What matters is how: listening, staying respectful, avoiding the silent treatment and coming back to the conversation once things have calmed down. The first disagreement is often a good test of the future.
8. Be curious about their world
Their culture, their family, their work, the things they love: genuine interest builds closeness. This matters all the more in intercultural relationships, where each of you may be discovering a new world.
9. Notice red flags, and green ones
- Red flags: disrespect, constant hot and cold behaviour, pressure, secrecy, or a lack of interest in your life.
- Green flags: kindness, reliability, honesty, the ability to apologise, and making room for you in their plans.
10. Make time for each other
Busy lives fill up quickly. Protect time together, even if it is a simple dinner or a walk. Attention is one of the most precious gifts you can offer, especially at the start.
If you live in different cities, or even different countries, this matters even more. Regular calls, visits planned in advance and a shared idea of where you might eventually live together help a long-distance relationship feel secure rather than uncertain.
When to talk about the future
There is no perfect moment, but a few months in, it is natural to ask where things are going. Are you both seeing each other exclusively? Do you imagine meeting each other’s families? Do your plans for the next few years leave room for each other? These conversations can feel intimidating, yet they usually bring couples closer. If the answers are vague for a long time, that in itself is useful information.
Starting on the right foot
A strong start is much easier when you meet someone who already shares your intentions. That is what personal matchmaking is for. At Nubian Connections, we work with women of African, Caribbean and mixed heritage, and men of all backgrounds who share their values, through Direct Connections and Prestige. You can read more on our services page.
Frequently asked questions
Do you offer support once a relationship has started?
Our Prestige service includes guidance throughout the process, and we also offer individual coaching sessions for people who want support in their love life.
Where do you work?
Our service runs online, and we work with people in London, Paris, Abidjan and beyond. See our Locations page.
Can I join for free?
Yes. You can join our free private network to be considered for a possible introduction. More answers on our FAQ page.
The next step
Ready to meet someone who wants the same things you do? Start with a private consultation, without obligation.
